As if the media has not screwed us all up with fairy tale fantasies enough, the new trend of movies with hot actors and actresses playing the role of friends with benefits or hooking up has completely tainted the realistic nature of what those two things really mean. The media has made us all believe that we have to be a perfect size 2, that we have to all dress like sluts, now they have us all believing that friends with benefits and hooking up are the best way to find a boyfriend, or a girlfriend. They depict these situations as ones where you start out using each other only to find that you just can’t live without each other.

Where do the movies go wrong? First of all, not all of us look like Justin Timberlake, or Mila Kunis, most of us are way more average. Secondly, they always end well. Like a sitcom, no one wants to pay for a movie where the ending is bad because someone ends up in tears and there isn’t a happy ending that ensues. In real life, there isn’t going to be the guy who chases you to the airport and admits that he absolutely was wrong and can’t live without you. That, sadly enough, is just not what normally happens in the these scenarios. What does happen is that one, or both of the people in the situation have realistic expectations either way about how long it can last, how far it can go, and that there are no feelings involved.
 

Girls Have A Harding Time Hooking Up Without Emotions

There is a reason why there is a theory that persists that boys and girls can not be friends, at least best friends. That is not necessarily true, but to put it into context, a girl and a boy who find each other mildly attractive can not intimately share their feelings without one or the other finding themselves romantically interested at the least, head over heals in love at the worst. The notion of friends with benefits relies on the assumption that it is normal for two people to have sex with each other over and again without developing feelings. Unfortunately guys, girls are wired differently. We can’t usually separate our feelings from the act. Whether it is evolutionary so that we are bound to find a strong protector to hold us up after we have children, or it is just because we have estrogen has not yet been proven, but it is much more difficult for women to hook up and not feel connected emotionally than men.

That is never a good scenario. The guy is assuming that the girl is just as unattached as he is and then brings his girlfriend, did I mention hot girlfriend, along the next time they go out. All of a sudden the “friend with benefits” is chopped liver. I don’t care how you slice it, that is never going to fly with any self respecting woman. So, the natural course is anger and hurt feelings. That doesn’t sound like much of a fairy tale. Making matters worse, the night doesn’t normally end with the guy showing up to the “beneficial” hook up with flowers at the end of the night, it ends with a drink in the face and a “I never want to see you again”, followed by crying. That doesn’t sound like a great ending in anyone’s book.

Before You Start, Know What To Expect

So if you intend to engage in a friends with benefits or hook up situation, you had better be clear about what your intentions are, what the rules are, and that you under no circumstances are going to end up a couple. If there is any lingering desire, or thinking that it will end with a romance, the entire situation will always end badly. The movies are not real life if we need another example of that. When you have sex with another human being more than once, there are always going to be hormones, feelings and emotions that are going to bind you, especially if there is a friendship in there somewhere as well. Just because Hollywood likes to portray it as a totally viable way to being a long term relationship, the reality is that it is a great way to destroy a friendship. If you really want to have sex with your friend you should do one of two things, either start dating them, or forget it. You can’t be both friends and sexual partners, unless you really are both.